At long last, here is my continued explanation of "All Out Endurance" from what I experienced in my first year of grad school. Enjoy!
This year, God nudged me to take a baby step of faith and allow him to set the pace. Maybe it was from the routine of training competitively for the previous 10 years, but I still had the passion to compete as the marathon training tapered off in September and October. Even after a great summer of feeling relief and excitement to move on from collegiate running, I felt all along like I was waiting for something. At first, I saw the Chicago Marathon as that light at the end of the tunnel—that is what I had been training for, so naturally that’s what I thought my anticipation came from. However, the marathon came and went—even though it was a great experience, I hadn’t met my goal and I was mainly just satisfied that I finished it without walking.
About a month before that 26.2-mile test of endurance, I met with the cross country and track coach here. I had one season left of athletic eligibility, except it was only for an indoor track season. In track, generally the outdoor season is given more emphasis and the indoor season is just used as preparation for outdoor, so I had figured it wasn’t worth it to run another season. Plus, this was a Division I school—it’s not like I could really make an impact with the high level of competition. And anyway, who was I to jump onto a brand new team for a couple months and attempt to train with these intense athletes? I hadn't been that accomplished of a runner even at the DIII level during undergrad, so why did I think I could succeed on a team like this? It was time to focus more on my education and future career as a coach, not keep trying to be an athlete. Despite my uncertainties, I talked with the coach and started practicing with the team. I figured I could just see how long I'd last until I realized for myself that it was time to stop chasing this crazy dream of mine.
To make an already long story longer, my first and last season on this new team turned out to be the breakout season I had always dreamed of having. Even though I was skeptical of how the different training would affect my races, I surprised myself by running all-time PR's during our first meets in January. Over the course of the indoor season, my times plummeted by 11 or so seconds in the mile and 28 seconds in the 3000m. I ended up having the opportunity to run three events at the conference championships, and all three races are ones I will never forget. Furthermore, I decided to keep training with the team through the rest of the school year because I couldn't imagine just stopping when my teammates still had the outdoor season ahead. Even though I raced unattached and was out of eligibility, my teammates and coaches still saw me as part of the team. I had more of a carefree training regimen, which basically meant I tried to race whenever I had the opportunity! Timewise, I dropped 29 seconds in my favorite outdoor race (steeplechase), 14 seconds in the 1500m, and about 6 minutes in a half marathon.
I can attribute many factors to my performance improvements that I will not get into much here, but without a doubt the new coaches and teammates I had played a huge role with that aspect. However, there was so much more to this past season than the race results, or the “quantitative” element to running that I have always loved. I learned to take a tiptoe of faith every day I arrived at practice. I overcame a multitude of doubts, and with each doubt I knocked down, another pillar of confidence rose up. I got to know my teammates more, and even though I respected them, I slowly lost my initial feelings of intimidation and fear. My coach challenged me to work harder than I ever had before. I got stronger in the weight room and pushed through brutal track workouts, and I was sore every single day. I set aside one of my past fears that I would burn out from working so hard—but I reasoned if everyone else could push through the training, I could suck it up for a few more weeks too. My teammates pushed me to be better, and somehow said I inspired them in return. In all honesty, I gave everything I had because I had nothing to lose. The pressure of reaching any of my past expectations was gone, because this season was a gift. I wanted to get the most out of it that I was given because it was truly an unexpected act of grace. In short, it became clear to me how God had worked through the multitude of good, bad, and neutral details that transpired throughout this season, and I am amazed that he decided to use me as part of his larger plan.
This year has been so much different than I had imagined it would be. I knew moving here and not knowing anyone would be a big change, and I was ready for change. However, I decided to pursue one more track season only because I felt like God was nudging me towards it. Not only did he show me this was where he wanted me this year, but he also expected me to go all out for this team. Of course I failed on numerous occasions and do not want to gloss over my imperfections, because I had many humbling and learning experiences this year. However - God works in mysterious ways, and I learned it is infinitely better to live according to his plans rather than trying to stick to my own self-centered and detail-ridden agenda. This story just scratches the surface of the ways that God has worked in my life this year—but if there is one encompassing thing I’ve learned, it’s that going all out is worth it. The sooner I recognized that (and continue to remind myself of it!), the sooner I could let God work in me and through me to run—and live—with purpose, joy, and endurance.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Quick thoughts
Clearly it has been quite some time and I am long overdue for an update...life is busy, but so good. Part 2 will be coming once the school year wraps up!
I am realizing more and more that I am a better writer than I am at giving speeches...but from the unprepared ramblings I gave tonight at the track banquet, it seems (almost humorously) like my main point came across: that God's plans are just plain better than our own. This has been a central theme for me over the past year. God has been so patient with me as I have doubted, hesitated, and then...slowly...still-not-quite-fully-surrendering-but-at-least-acknowledging...the simple TRUTH that his plans are just SO MUCH BETTER than anything I could ever come up with in my own agenda! I want to believe, proclaim, and live according to this truth. God is always up to something; all we need to do is be ready to jump on board for the ride and let him work!
How to sum this up? Well, God said this to Paul some time ago, but I'd have to say it applies to our lives today QUITE well: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
Then Paul responded, "Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." (see 2 Corinthians 12 for context)
Over and out. Finish strong!
I am realizing more and more that I am a better writer than I am at giving speeches...but from the unprepared ramblings I gave tonight at the track banquet, it seems (almost humorously) like my main point came across: that God's plans are just plain better than our own. This has been a central theme for me over the past year. God has been so patient with me as I have doubted, hesitated, and then...slowly...still-not-quite-fully-surrendering-but-at-least-acknowledging...the simple TRUTH that his plans are just SO MUCH BETTER than anything I could ever come up with in my own agenda! I want to believe, proclaim, and live according to this truth. God is always up to something; all we need to do is be ready to jump on board for the ride and let him work!
How to sum this up? Well, God said this to Paul some time ago, but I'd have to say it applies to our lives today QUITE well: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
Then Paul responded, "Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." (see 2 Corinthians 12 for context)
Over and out. Finish strong!
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Significance of "All Out Endurance" - Part 1
Well, I have delayed in explaining the title of this blog. All Out Endurance...this phrase appealed to me because I am a distance runner, and also because it wasn't taken already! In all seriousness, I had a lot of options for blog titles before I decided on this one, most of which had to do with the many parallels that exist between faith, life, running, and sports in general. I don't remember exactly how I thought of these three words together, but it was probably on one of the long runs I did before the Chicago Marathon last October. Let me tell you, when you are running for 2-3 hours alone, the mind thinks up all kinds of things! Probably the mix of endorphins, boredom, and physical fatigue all contributed to allowing my brain to think just a little more creatively than it usually does.
In itself, all out endurance is a paradox to the running world; I can't be physically going "all out" and yet pace myself at the same time. In shorter races, I can go all out physically, never settling in to a position or pace. At the least, I can be intently focused on the finish line, so that when I cross it, I know I couldn't have given anything else. But in a race like a marathon (or even something as "short" as a 5k), it would be ridiculous to go "all out" over the 26.2 mile course. In a marathon, endurance is the key. Now I personally can't speak from experience on how it feels to finish a marathon the right way--after going out too fast the first 10 miles and just trying not to walk the last 10 miles in 80 degree weather--but no matter what, anyone who attempts to finish should have used a pretty decent amount of physical endurance in covering that distance on foot! However, to say that the effort was all out would be inaccurate, because marathoners know they cannot give 100% of their effort for 3+ hours or they would die trying.
So if it is not possible in running to have all out endurance, why is this my theme? Even in other things, if I give 100% to something 100% of the time, won't I eventually burn out? Get sick of it? Quit? For most things, this is probably true. Everyone needs a physical and mental break from time to time or else we will certainly "break" down in one way or another. However, I believe there is one thing, at least that I have experienced, that we can go all out for, all the time.
There are so many analogies people make between having faith in God and things we do--running, working, celebrating, learning, serving, and a multitude of other actions and parts of life. But all analogies lose their value at some point because there is nothing, NOTHING in this world that can be compared with our God. I have never been more certain that he is worth going all out for; he will restore me when I fall; he knows me better than I know myself; he loves me no matter what; he is always perfectly unchanging; he will help me to endure, and not only endure but to embrace pain and experience joy through it all; he has suffered more than I could ever imagine, much less experience myself; and, finally, he is everything! Nothing else really matters in the grand scheme of things, and nothing else should matter more than giving glory to God for loving us, creating us, paying the ultimate price to save us, and wanting us to follow him and accept the grace he offers. All around, God himself best exemplifies all out endurance because he has always given 100%, will continue to give 100%, and has endured everything for our sake through his son.
This all may be starting to sound a little abstract, so I will attempt to illustrate of how I've recently seen his plans at work and his presence in my life. But first, some background: about 8 years ago, I decided I would try to become a great runner. God has blessed me with athletic talent, and I have always loved sports. I also played basketball, soccer and softball competitively, but by the end of my high school career I felt most confident and passionate about cross country and track. I had also developed my closest friendships through these teams and learned a good amount of life lessons in the process. During my undergraduate experience, I was a part of an amazing team and have so many great memories from each season. I developed as a runner slowly and struggled through various issues along the way, but finished with much-improved junior and senior seasons. However, even though I became "fast" by my standards at the time, I struggled not to define myself in comparison with other runners' performances, including those of my teammates. Like many college athletes, I dreamed of becoming an All-American or part of a national championship team. In itself, these were good goals to have and many of my teammates shared these dreams with me. Looking back I think I kept other things in perspective to running at times, but I know I also allowed running to take priority more often than it should have.
Without going into many unnecessary details, my senior year ended up being frustrating and disappointing from a running standpoint. Despite the fact that my race times had improved, I had expected more of myself and did not run at a national meet like I had the opportunity to do twice my junior year. I struggled with pride issues before, and I had allowed it to creep back into my thoughts; also, I went back to defining myself by how I performed in races. Even though I had some regrets from competing, I tried to see the bigger picture and honestly "get over myself" because clearly, I needed to realize that there was much more to life than college running. Much of what happened throughout the year had been out of my control, and more importantly I was still so happy to have been part of the awesome community that made up our team! However, I decided that after track season I would need another goal to keep me from going into withdrawal, so I signed up for the marathon in April and decided to raise money for a charity through it. After having decided on summer and grad school plans, I figured I would be done with competing on a team since I had used up all but one season of indoor track eligibility, and I was ready to be done. I was physically and mentally ready to move on and hang up the racing spikes for good.
"What we've learned is this: God does not respond to what we do; we respond to what God does. We've finally figured it out. Our lives get in step with God and all others by letting him set the pace, not by proudly or anxiously trying to run the parade." (Romans 3:28, MSG)
In itself, all out endurance is a paradox to the running world; I can't be physically going "all out" and yet pace myself at the same time. In shorter races, I can go all out physically, never settling in to a position or pace. At the least, I can be intently focused on the finish line, so that when I cross it, I know I couldn't have given anything else. But in a race like a marathon (or even something as "short" as a 5k), it would be ridiculous to go "all out" over the 26.2 mile course. In a marathon, endurance is the key. Now I personally can't speak from experience on how it feels to finish a marathon the right way--after going out too fast the first 10 miles and just trying not to walk the last 10 miles in 80 degree weather--but no matter what, anyone who attempts to finish should have used a pretty decent amount of physical endurance in covering that distance on foot! However, to say that the effort was all out would be inaccurate, because marathoners know they cannot give 100% of their effort for 3+ hours or they would die trying.
So if it is not possible in running to have all out endurance, why is this my theme? Even in other things, if I give 100% to something 100% of the time, won't I eventually burn out? Get sick of it? Quit? For most things, this is probably true. Everyone needs a physical and mental break from time to time or else we will certainly "break" down in one way or another. However, I believe there is one thing, at least that I have experienced, that we can go all out for, all the time.
There are so many analogies people make between having faith in God and things we do--running, working, celebrating, learning, serving, and a multitude of other actions and parts of life. But all analogies lose their value at some point because there is nothing, NOTHING in this world that can be compared with our God. I have never been more certain that he is worth going all out for; he will restore me when I fall; he knows me better than I know myself; he loves me no matter what; he is always perfectly unchanging; he will help me to endure, and not only endure but to embrace pain and experience joy through it all; he has suffered more than I could ever imagine, much less experience myself; and, finally, he is everything! Nothing else really matters in the grand scheme of things, and nothing else should matter more than giving glory to God for loving us, creating us, paying the ultimate price to save us, and wanting us to follow him and accept the grace he offers. All around, God himself best exemplifies all out endurance because he has always given 100%, will continue to give 100%, and has endured everything for our sake through his son.
This all may be starting to sound a little abstract, so I will attempt to illustrate of how I've recently seen his plans at work and his presence in my life. But first, some background: about 8 years ago, I decided I would try to become a great runner. God has blessed me with athletic talent, and I have always loved sports. I also played basketball, soccer and softball competitively, but by the end of my high school career I felt most confident and passionate about cross country and track. I had also developed my closest friendships through these teams and learned a good amount of life lessons in the process. During my undergraduate experience, I was a part of an amazing team and have so many great memories from each season. I developed as a runner slowly and struggled through various issues along the way, but finished with much-improved junior and senior seasons. However, even though I became "fast" by my standards at the time, I struggled not to define myself in comparison with other runners' performances, including those of my teammates. Like many college athletes, I dreamed of becoming an All-American or part of a national championship team. In itself, these were good goals to have and many of my teammates shared these dreams with me. Looking back I think I kept other things in perspective to running at times, but I know I also allowed running to take priority more often than it should have.
Without going into many unnecessary details, my senior year ended up being frustrating and disappointing from a running standpoint. Despite the fact that my race times had improved, I had expected more of myself and did not run at a national meet like I had the opportunity to do twice my junior year. I struggled with pride issues before, and I had allowed it to creep back into my thoughts; also, I went back to defining myself by how I performed in races. Even though I had some regrets from competing, I tried to see the bigger picture and honestly "get over myself" because clearly, I needed to realize that there was much more to life than college running. Much of what happened throughout the year had been out of my control, and more importantly I was still so happy to have been part of the awesome community that made up our team! However, I decided that after track season I would need another goal to keep me from going into withdrawal, so I signed up for the marathon in April and decided to raise money for a charity through it. After having decided on summer and grad school plans, I figured I would be done with competing on a team since I had used up all but one season of indoor track eligibility, and I was ready to be done. I was physically and mentally ready to move on and hang up the racing spikes for good.
"What we've learned is this: God does not respond to what we do; we respond to what God does. We've finally figured it out. Our lives get in step with God and all others by letting him set the pace, not by proudly or anxiously trying to run the parade." (Romans 3:28, MSG)
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Baby Steps
At Fusion (translation: the Bible study I've been going to this year) last week, we discussed the spiritual discipline of studying scripture. A couple verses stick out to me related to, well, reading the Bible, although there are many more:
Hebrews 4:12--For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.
Psalm 119:11--I have hidden your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you.
A few things stuck out to me about our discussion. First, it was refreshing to hear that there is no right or wrong method to reading the Bible. Just like we have different learning styles and ways to study for tests, we can get more out of the Bible depending on what works for us. For instance, some people try to read through the Bible in one year. While for some this may be challenging and effective, others (myself included) inevitably fall behind on the reading schedule and then feel like we have to catch up. Then, the focus becomes just getting through the readings for the day instead of trying to understand, learn, and apply the scripture. Or maybe we just miss a few days and give up. The same goes for reading one chapter a day or memorizing a passage--when the feeling of accomplishment takes priority over the actual time spent with God, our priorities need some adjusting! So, if one method hasn't been working, try a different way of reading scripture!
I recently finished a daily devotional and am in the process of exploring new ways of reading scripture. The daily devotional was helpful and had a wealth of great thoughts, but I admit that a lot of times I read it because I "had" to that day. While long-term goals that take a lot of daily motivation are good to keep us accountable, I think it's very important to set short-term goals, aka "baby steps," like in the movie What About Bob? Also, it makes sense to set smaller goals in order to be able to see the progress you make if you are able to stick to less-sizable goals. Just like I tell my jogging classes, it's important to make sure the goals you set are both realistic and measurable! :)
So far all this is to say that as Christians, we should be reading scripture on a regular basis. Not only do we need it, we should want to spend time learning and growing through the handbook God gave us! One of the last things I remember from our Bible study last week was that with anything...If you really care about it, you find time to do it. Think about it. Even if I have a super busy schedule, I still ALWAYS find the time to eat, check email, go on Facebook, run, go to class, or do a number of other things that I value as important. If reading the Bible means something to you, you should be able to find the time to read it! This was very convicting for me.
The above link is just something I came across on biblegateway.com. It shows the top 10 most searched-for Bible verses. Enjoy!I recently finished a daily devotional and am in the process of exploring new ways of reading scripture. The daily devotional was helpful and had a wealth of great thoughts, but I admit that a lot of times I read it because I "had" to that day. While long-term goals that take a lot of daily motivation are good to keep us accountable, I think it's very important to set short-term goals, aka "baby steps," like in the movie What About Bob? Also, it makes sense to set smaller goals in order to be able to see the progress you make if you are able to stick to less-sizable goals. Just like I tell my jogging classes, it's important to make sure the goals you set are both realistic and measurable! :)
So far all this is to say that as Christians, we should be reading scripture on a regular basis. Not only do we need it, we should want to spend time learning and growing through the handbook God gave us! One of the last things I remember from our Bible study last week was that with anything...If you really care about it, you find time to do it. Think about it. Even if I have a super busy schedule, I still ALWAYS find the time to eat, check email, go on Facebook, run, go to class, or do a number of other things that I value as important. If reading the Bible means something to you, you should be able to find the time to read it! This was very convicting for me.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
C.S. Lewis
I am stealing this quote from an article I just read, and from C.S. Lewis' book Mere Christianity. Call me a double-thief, but this quote is worth it. I read this book back in high school but didn't understand it/make the effort to understand it as well as I should have. Maybe I'll be re-adding it to my summer reading list just to brush up, but since it's snowing now...
"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world. If none of my earthly pleasures satisfy it that does not prove that the universe is a fraud. Probably earthly pleasures were never meant to satisfy it, but only to arouse it, to suggest the real thing. If that is so, I must take care, on the one hand, never to despise, or be unthankful for, these earthly blessings, and on the other, never to mistake them for the something else of which they are only a kind of copy, or echo, or mirage. I must keep alive in myself the desire for my true country, which I shall not find till after death; I must never let it get snowed under or turned aside; I must make it the main object of life to press on to that other country and to help others to do the same."
"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world. If none of my earthly pleasures satisfy it that does not prove that the universe is a fraud. Probably earthly pleasures were never meant to satisfy it, but only to arouse it, to suggest the real thing. If that is so, I must take care, on the one hand, never to despise, or be unthankful for, these earthly blessings, and on the other, never to mistake them for the something else of which they are only a kind of copy, or echo, or mirage. I must keep alive in myself the desire for my true country, which I shall not find till after death; I must never let it get snowed under or turned aside; I must make it the main object of life to press on to that other country and to help others to do the same."
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