525,600 minutes

In other words, I just realized it's been ONE YEAR since my last post. That's been much too long to leave this blog hanging! Changes/updates coming soon...

As I Sit Here...

There are some things on my mind.

1. I move into my own place tomorrow:  The waiting game is over, and I thought I made the right decision with the limited housing options available.  Now I feel some doubt and fear after signing a lease for the next 15 months!

2. My theject (the term i created for my master's project that was originally planned to be a thesis):  I'm making progress, but it's going much slower than I had hoped.  It would be great if I could finish it by April, but I worry that I won't have the time or discipline or drive to get it done.  Or if i do get it done, i worry that it won't be my best work after building it up for so long.

3. This weekend's track meet: I'm excited for this team to compete at their first indoor conference championships, and excited that I've gotten to know the athletes better.  As a new coach, I'm getting more comfortable with my role and am enjoying a lot about it--even the pre-race nerves that I now have for the athletes, when it used to be that sick feeling I'd get before my own races.

4. Chasing a dream: With my job now being directly involved with college running, I still have the desire to keep training myself.  The particular goal I have, along with my theject, is also time-sensitive.  It just seems like with this big transition, I'm not sure if it's good to be putting so much time and energy into my own running ambitions.  I know that running immensely helps relieve stress, and I've also been injury-free for awhile now, which I can't seem to be thankful enough for after all the seasons of dealing with shin problems or random sicknesses!  However, I'm not sure how feasible it is to go for it...

Basically, there is a lot of change and stress going on at the moment.  Along with my own stuff, my dog died a couple weeks ago right before I moved here, and my parents are probably getting a new dog really soon.  They also just bought a new car today?!  My close friend from high school just had her world turned upside-down.  I also have friends who are buying houses and getting married and moving to new places and starting new lives.  I'm also reluctant to reach out here and make new friends and find a church.

I know I shouldn't worry or let things stress me out like this, but the combination of everything is a little overwhelming. So that's what i've been thinking about lately.

Tomorrow (in a few hours) will be a new day!  Goodnight.

Romans 5

I'm frustrated, but I'm trying to have passionate patience this week (see link above).  The mix of uncertainty and anxiety with my attempt to set a purposeful and flexible routine this semester is not a good combination.  But when things are out of my control, I just need to be patient, prepared, and confident of whatever is going to come!

Noise + Joy

Noise.  It's so hard for me to find quiet places lately.  My introverted self is not happy...whenever I finally do find somewhere that isn't noisy or filled with distractions, I almost always find a way to distract myself with my own thoughts or excuses for not focusing.

I know that life is not meant to be lived alone, and I enjoy being around people most of the time.  Probably I am feeling so dragged down because of trying to balance so much this semester, and while classes are done, there is a lot of uncertainty ahead that is still stressing me out.  On the outside, I have it all together and try to be all in to whatever I am doing in the moment.  But inside, I feel scattered, frustrated, and ready for change.  I should have no complaints about my life...i am so blessed and i take simple comforts for granted every day.  I have had so many great opportunities, some that I have actively made the most of, but others which i have allowed myself to be passive and settle, especially recently.  Maybe the heart of my problem is the separation between who i am and who i want to be.


I have a feeling this is going to be one of those impulsive posts that i look back on and wonder why i just spewed to a screen.  I know i'm being negative and whiny and self-centered. Well, this is just the way i am perceiving life right now-better to be honest and real in the moment than fake it, right?


Lately i've been feeling a dull sense of emptiness that I can't quite wrap my head around.  It's not overwhelming and i'm not depressed or anything, but i just feel like i'm waiting for something to happen.  I've repeatedly caught myself saying that everything going on in my life has been busy, but also really good.  No matter whether things are good or bad or somewhere in between, i'm starting to wonder if i'm experiencing a deficiency in joy.

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer. (Rom 12:12)

Splendor and majesty are before him; strength and joy are in his dwelling place. (1 Chr 16:27)

I'll stop with those for now, but there are tons of "joy" references in the Bible.  Especially during this Christmas season, it is a joyful time!  So my challenge to myself (and whoever may be reading this?) is to find more joy in the little things--I shouldn't have to look too hard because joy can be found in pretty much anything.

Instead of worrying, maybe I need to give my brain a rest and live more joyfully with my heart.  Maybe, i need to trust HIM unswervingly...not just when it's convenient or makes logical sense...but to trust him all the time with the little worries of my little life.  It's not about me, anyway.  I have a bad memory, but it shouldn't be that hard to remember that this whole life thing--is not about me at all.

chrome://history/

It's really no wonder why I've been so flustered lately...after looking at my surfing history, the majority of the sites I go to are not productive or reflecting my priorities well at all.  Facebook, ESPN, USATF, cooking blogs, Twitter, weather, fantasy football...all potentially good things, just on overload!  Should I go cold turkey on these things?  Nope, that's just not realistic.  The Internet is awesome, but it's so easy to get sucked in to unnecessary gossip, opinions, and counterproductive information.  So even though study breaks and "fun" breaks are needed at times, I can definitely step back and stop my bad habit of going to random sites that put my brain cells through more work.

Goal this week: let the important stuff make up the majority of my surfing history.  With that, I'm typing a visit to biblegateway.com...
"The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace." -Romans 8:6, NIV