At long last, here is my continued explanation of "All Out Endurance" from what I experienced in my first year of grad school. Enjoy!
This year, God nudged me to take a baby step of faith and allow him to set the pace. Maybe it was from the routine of training competitively for the previous 10 years, but I still had the passion to compete as the marathon training tapered off in September and October. Even after a great summer of feeling relief and excitement to move on from collegiate running, I felt all along like I was waiting for something. At first, I saw the Chicago Marathon as that light at the end of the tunnel—that is what I had been training for, so naturally that’s what I thought my anticipation came from. However, the marathon came and went—even though it was a great experience, I hadn’t met my goal and I was mainly just satisfied that I finished it without walking.
About a month before that 26.2-mile test of endurance, I met with the cross country and track coach here. I had one season left of athletic eligibility, except it was only for an indoor track season. In track, generally the outdoor season is given more emphasis and the indoor season is just used as preparation for outdoor, so I had figured it wasn’t worth it to run another season. Plus, this was a Division I school—it’s not like I could really make an impact with the high level of competition. And anyway, who was I to jump onto a brand new team for a couple months and attempt to train with these intense athletes? I hadn't been that accomplished of a runner even at the DIII level during undergrad, so why did I think I could succeed on a team like this? It was time to focus more on my education and future career as a coach, not keep trying to be an athlete. Despite my uncertainties, I talked with the coach and started practicing with the team. I figured I could just see how long I'd last until I realized for myself that it was time to stop chasing this crazy dream of mine.
To make an already long story longer, my first and last season on this new team turned out to be the breakout season I had always dreamed of having. Even though I was skeptical of how the different training would affect my races, I surprised myself by running all-time PR's during our first meets in January. Over the course of the indoor season, my times plummeted by 11 or so seconds in the mile and 28 seconds in the 3000m. I ended up having the opportunity to run three events at the conference championships, and all three races are ones I will never forget. Furthermore, I decided to keep training with the team through the rest of the school year because I couldn't imagine just stopping when my teammates still had the outdoor season ahead. Even though I raced unattached and was out of eligibility, my teammates and coaches still saw me as part of the team. I had more of a carefree training regimen, which basically meant I tried to race whenever I had the opportunity! Timewise, I dropped 29 seconds in my favorite outdoor race (steeplechase), 14 seconds in the 1500m, and about 6 minutes in a half marathon.
I can attribute many factors to my performance improvements that I will not get into much here, but without a doubt the new coaches and teammates I had played a huge role with that aspect. However, there was so much more to this past season than the race results, or the “quantitative” element to running that I have always loved. I learned to take a tiptoe of faith every day I arrived at practice. I overcame a multitude of doubts, and with each doubt I knocked down, another pillar of confidence rose up. I got to know my teammates more, and even though I respected them, I slowly lost my initial feelings of intimidation and fear. My coach challenged me to work harder than I ever had before. I got stronger in the weight room and pushed through brutal track workouts, and I was sore every single day. I set aside one of my past fears that I would burn out from working so hard—but I reasoned if everyone else could push through the training, I could suck it up for a few more weeks too. My teammates pushed me to be better, and somehow said I inspired them in return. In all honesty, I gave everything I had because I had nothing to lose. The pressure of reaching any of my past expectations was gone, because this season was a gift. I wanted to get the most out of it that I was given because it was truly an unexpected act of grace. In short, it became clear to me how God had worked through the multitude of good, bad, and neutral details that transpired throughout this season, and I am amazed that he decided to use me as part of his larger plan.
This year has been so much different than I had imagined it would be. I knew moving here and not knowing anyone would be a big change, and I was ready for change. However, I decided to pursue one more track season only because I felt like God was nudging me towards it. Not only did he show me this was where he wanted me this year, but he also expected me to go all out for this team. Of course I failed on numerous occasions and do not want to gloss over my imperfections, because I had many humbling and learning experiences this year. However - God works in mysterious ways, and I learned it is infinitely better to live according to his plans rather than trying to stick to my own self-centered and detail-ridden agenda. This story just scratches the surface of the ways that God has worked in my life this year—but if there is one encompassing thing I’ve learned, it’s that going all out is worth it. The sooner I recognized that (and continue to remind myself of it!), the sooner I could let God work in me and through me to run—and live—with purpose, joy, and endurance.
No comments:
Post a Comment