Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Romans 5
I'm frustrated, but I'm trying to have passionate patience this week (see link above). The mix of uncertainty and anxiety with my attempt to set a purposeful and flexible routine this semester is not a good combination. But when things are out of my control, I just need to be patient, prepared, and confident of whatever is going to come!
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Noise + Joy
Noise. It's so hard for me to find quiet places lately. My introverted self is not happy...whenever I finally do find somewhere that isn't noisy or filled with distractions, I almost always find a way to distract myself with my own thoughts or excuses for not focusing.
I know that life is not meant to be lived alone, and I enjoy being around people most of the time. Probably I am feeling so dragged down because of trying to balance so much this semester, and while classes are done, there is a lot of uncertainty ahead that is still stressing me out. On the outside, I have it all together and try to be all in to whatever I am doing in the moment. But inside, I feel scattered, frustrated, and ready for change. I should have no complaints about my life...i am so blessed and i take simple comforts for granted every day. I have had so many great opportunities, some that I have actively made the most of, but others which i have allowed myself to be passive and settle, especially recently. Maybe the heart of my problem is the separation between who i am and who i want to be.
I have a feeling this is going to be one of those impulsive posts that i look back on and wonder why i just spewed to a screen. I know i'm being negative and whiny and self-centered. Well, this is just the way i am perceiving life right now-better to be honest and real in the moment than fake it, right?
Lately i've been feeling a dull sense of emptiness that I can't quite wrap my head around. It's not overwhelming and i'm not depressed or anything, but i just feel like i'm waiting for something to happen. I've repeatedly caught myself saying that everything going on in my life has been busy, but also really good. No matter whether things are good or bad or somewhere in between, i'm starting to wonder if i'm experiencing a deficiency in joy.
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer. (Rom 12:12)
Splendor and majesty are before him; strength and joy are in his dwelling place. (1 Chr 16:27)
I'll stop with those for now, but there are tons of "joy" references in the Bible. Especially during this Christmas season, it is a joyful time! So my challenge to myself (and whoever may be reading this?) is to find more joy in the little things--I shouldn't have to look too hard because joy can be found in pretty much anything.
Instead of worrying, maybe I need to give my brain a rest and live more joyfully with my heart. Maybe, i need to trust HIM unswervingly...not just when it's convenient or makes logical sense...but to trust him all the time with the little worries of my little life. It's not about me, anyway. I have a bad memory, but it shouldn't be that hard to remember that this whole life thing--is not about me at all.
I know that life is not meant to be lived alone, and I enjoy being around people most of the time. Probably I am feeling so dragged down because of trying to balance so much this semester, and while classes are done, there is a lot of uncertainty ahead that is still stressing me out. On the outside, I have it all together and try to be all in to whatever I am doing in the moment. But inside, I feel scattered, frustrated, and ready for change. I should have no complaints about my life...i am so blessed and i take simple comforts for granted every day. I have had so many great opportunities, some that I have actively made the most of, but others which i have allowed myself to be passive and settle, especially recently. Maybe the heart of my problem is the separation between who i am and who i want to be.
I have a feeling this is going to be one of those impulsive posts that i look back on and wonder why i just spewed to a screen. I know i'm being negative and whiny and self-centered. Well, this is just the way i am perceiving life right now-better to be honest and real in the moment than fake it, right?
Lately i've been feeling a dull sense of emptiness that I can't quite wrap my head around. It's not overwhelming and i'm not depressed or anything, but i just feel like i'm waiting for something to happen. I've repeatedly caught myself saying that everything going on in my life has been busy, but also really good. No matter whether things are good or bad or somewhere in between, i'm starting to wonder if i'm experiencing a deficiency in joy.
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer. (Rom 12:12)
Splendor and majesty are before him; strength and joy are in his dwelling place. (1 Chr 16:27)
I'll stop with those for now, but there are tons of "joy" references in the Bible. Especially during this Christmas season, it is a joyful time! So my challenge to myself (and whoever may be reading this?) is to find more joy in the little things--I shouldn't have to look too hard because joy can be found in pretty much anything.
Instead of worrying, maybe I need to give my brain a rest and live more joyfully with my heart. Maybe, i need to trust HIM unswervingly...not just when it's convenient or makes logical sense...but to trust him all the time with the little worries of my little life. It's not about me, anyway. I have a bad memory, but it shouldn't be that hard to remember that this whole life thing--is not about me at all.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
chrome://history/
It's really no wonder why I've been so flustered lately...after looking at my surfing history, the majority of the sites I go to are not productive or reflecting my priorities well at all. Facebook, ESPN, USATF, cooking blogs, Twitter, weather, fantasy football...all potentially good things, just on overload! Should I go cold turkey on these things? Nope, that's just not realistic. The Internet is awesome, but it's so easy to get sucked in to unnecessary gossip, opinions, and counterproductive information. So even though study breaks and "fun" breaks are needed at times, I can definitely step back and stop my bad habit of going to random sites that put my brain cells through more work.
Goal this week: let the important stuff make up the majority of my surfing history. With that, I'm typing a visit to biblegateway.com...
"The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace." -Romans 8:6, NIV
Goal this week: let the important stuff make up the majority of my surfing history. With that, I'm typing a visit to biblegateway.com...
"The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace." -Romans 8:6, NIV
Friday, November 11, 2011
Pilot studies all around!
Recently I sent a pilot study to some of my old teammates. I received a ton of great responses and helpful feedback, which made me really excited for the upcoming master's project research I'll be doing. It's going to be a long haul this winter, but I have to keep reminding myself that it will be worth it. I want it to mean something to at least one person, and already I'm pretty sure that has happened.
I've also had a great running week--filled with runs where I just felt strong, runs that I was able to enjoy the fall sunsets/sunrises (!), and runs that just needed to happen as a mental break. In the midst of all the dimensions of things I'm attempting to "get together" these days, I always am able to think clearer and more creatively while running. Running buddies and endorphins help, too! Lately I've been thinking about how unsettled and unfocused I've been this semester. But somehow on runs I'm always put at ease and often come up with interesting ideas, too. I truly believe that God works in a variety of ways to get our attention and help us wake up from going through the motions. Personally, God speaks to me most often through training because I am less distracted and more willing to listen than during the other parts of my day.
While I've been so uncertain and indecisive about, well, most things in life, I've also been feeling like I have to do everything right throughout my day. The rigid plans I make, and the continual failure to actually follow through with a set schedule keeps dragging me down. I make excuses and just get distracted so easily. "Follow through" has been a popular thought as well. I just never feel like I'm content or doing my best at trying to balance a lot of different roles. But what do I do? Take on more!
This is by no means an entry that will make a lot of sense, and maybe I will look back on it and think how dumb I was in retrospect. But I'm going to throw out the thought that since so much of what I'm doing right now seems uncertain, scattered, wishy-washy, whatever...all these commitments and roles I'm taking on are really just pilot studies. I still don't know what I want to do with my life, and I know that is just fine. But I'm on the right track (pun?) by trying to gain experience in a lot of different sport settings. Emphasis: a LOT. Between school, my assistantship, working, coaching, and training, not to mention all the people who have influenced me and who I interact with every day, it's pretty safe to say I've had a well-rounded education. Is it possible to be too well-rounded? (figuratively speaking, of course...not trying to put on any pounds this winter!)
So all these "pilot" experiences...what am I trying to get out of them? What's the point of dabbling in so many different things, yet not feel like I have an expertise in anything specific? The best answer I can think of is that everything I've been part of recently has been really good, or at least helpful with making me realize what I like and don't like...and what I'm good at and not-so-good at. It may be too early to tell, but I hope that I'm on my way to figuring out what I really want to do because of the things I've taken on this year. I also need to recognize that every job will have parts to it that I will not enjoy doing, and that even if I'm not good at something, I should want to improve at whatever that might be. I yearn to be at my best with everything I do, but maybe my failure to follow through is the Spirit's way of telling me that I'm not relying on God nearly enough.
While I commend people who know what they want and stick with it, I've settled on the idea that my inefficient route of trial and error is how God is leading me. I shouldn't speculate like that, but looking at my life right now, I don't know what else to think. In essence, my day-to-day life has become a smattering of pilot studies. However, I think each of these experiences will shape me into the person I strive to become. I have many faults, and I know no one is perfect or ever will be perfect. But at the core, I have the desire to grow and learn and ultimately impact others. So really, I'm just searching for the best avenue that God wants me to take for fulfilling that purpose. That's really what life is about, anyway! Easier said than done, obviously, but it's amazing how freeing it is to keep all these day-to-day worries in perspective. It's not about me, after all. If I consistently told myself "it's not about you" throughout the day, I wonder how much different I would think/communicate/act!
With that, I'm thankful for all these opportunities. I have been learning to say no to some things and recognize that I can't do everything, and I especially can't do everything well. Am I crazy for taking on so much? Quite possibly. But I'm really not worried, and I'm confident that God will show me the right way(s).
With that, I'm off to run a spontaneous little road race--11k at 11:11pm on 11/11/11...in what is going to feel like about 11 degrees!
I've also had a great running week--filled with runs where I just felt strong, runs that I was able to enjoy the fall sunsets/sunrises (!), and runs that just needed to happen as a mental break. In the midst of all the dimensions of things I'm attempting to "get together" these days, I always am able to think clearer and more creatively while running. Running buddies and endorphins help, too! Lately I've been thinking about how unsettled and unfocused I've been this semester. But somehow on runs I'm always put at ease and often come up with interesting ideas, too. I truly believe that God works in a variety of ways to get our attention and help us wake up from going through the motions. Personally, God speaks to me most often through training because I am less distracted and more willing to listen than during the other parts of my day.
While I've been so uncertain and indecisive about, well, most things in life, I've also been feeling like I have to do everything right throughout my day. The rigid plans I make, and the continual failure to actually follow through with a set schedule keeps dragging me down. I make excuses and just get distracted so easily. "Follow through" has been a popular thought as well. I just never feel like I'm content or doing my best at trying to balance a lot of different roles. But what do I do? Take on more!
This is by no means an entry that will make a lot of sense, and maybe I will look back on it and think how dumb I was in retrospect. But I'm going to throw out the thought that since so much of what I'm doing right now seems uncertain, scattered, wishy-washy, whatever...all these commitments and roles I'm taking on are really just pilot studies. I still don't know what I want to do with my life, and I know that is just fine. But I'm on the right track (pun?) by trying to gain experience in a lot of different sport settings. Emphasis: a LOT. Between school, my assistantship, working, coaching, and training, not to mention all the people who have influenced me and who I interact with every day, it's pretty safe to say I've had a well-rounded education. Is it possible to be too well-rounded? (figuratively speaking, of course...not trying to put on any pounds this winter!)
So all these "pilot" experiences...what am I trying to get out of them? What's the point of dabbling in so many different things, yet not feel like I have an expertise in anything specific? The best answer I can think of is that everything I've been part of recently has been really good, or at least helpful with making me realize what I like and don't like...and what I'm good at and not-so-good at. It may be too early to tell, but I hope that I'm on my way to figuring out what I really want to do because of the things I've taken on this year. I also need to recognize that every job will have parts to it that I will not enjoy doing, and that even if I'm not good at something, I should want to improve at whatever that might be. I yearn to be at my best with everything I do, but maybe my failure to follow through is the Spirit's way of telling me that I'm not relying on God nearly enough.
While I commend people who know what they want and stick with it, I've settled on the idea that my inefficient route of trial and error is how God is leading me. I shouldn't speculate like that, but looking at my life right now, I don't know what else to think. In essence, my day-to-day life has become a smattering of pilot studies. However, I think each of these experiences will shape me into the person I strive to become. I have many faults, and I know no one is perfect or ever will be perfect. But at the core, I have the desire to grow and learn and ultimately impact others. So really, I'm just searching for the best avenue that God wants me to take for fulfilling that purpose. That's really what life is about, anyway! Easier said than done, obviously, but it's amazing how freeing it is to keep all these day-to-day worries in perspective. It's not about me, after all. If I consistently told myself "it's not about you" throughout the day, I wonder how much different I would think/communicate/act!
With that, I'm thankful for all these opportunities. I have been learning to say no to some things and recognize that I can't do everything, and I especially can't do everything well. Am I crazy for taking on so much? Quite possibly. But I'm really not worried, and I'm confident that God will show me the right way(s).
With that, I'm off to run a spontaneous little road race--11k at 11:11pm on 11/11/11...in what is going to feel like about 11 degrees!
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Forgiveness Sermon
http://vimeo.com/29918187
The link above is a video of the sermon I heard this morning. Whenever I hear a sermon on this topic, my first reaction usually isn't filled with excitement. Often I think that I haven't had any huge things going on where I need to forgive someone, so this sermon won't really apply to me. Well, somehow God has a way of showing me why I need to hear something. Clearly he knows me better than I know myself...
Anyway, I felt compelled to share this. So, if you have 38 minutes to spare, i hope you enjoy and find this was well worth your time! He concludes with this quote from one of my faves, C.S. Lewis:
"There are two kinds of people in this world: those who say to God, 'Thy will be done,' and those to whom God says, 'Fine, have it your way.'
(I don't think Burger King got their slogan from C.S. Lewis, though!)
The link above is a video of the sermon I heard this morning. Whenever I hear a sermon on this topic, my first reaction usually isn't filled with excitement. Often I think that I haven't had any huge things going on where I need to forgive someone, so this sermon won't really apply to me. Well, somehow God has a way of showing me why I need to hear something. Clearly he knows me better than I know myself...
Anyway, I felt compelled to share this. So, if you have 38 minutes to spare, i hope you enjoy and find this was well worth your time! He concludes with this quote from one of my faves, C.S. Lewis:
"There are two kinds of people in this world: those who say to God, 'Thy will be done,' and those to whom God says, 'Fine, have it your way.'
(I don't think Burger King got their slogan from C.S. Lewis, though!)
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